Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
