i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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