Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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