You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize