HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize