I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize