You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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