I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My pussy is not your playground.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
