And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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