Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
