This is not my ceiling
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
