is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
