So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
