a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
