NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize