Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i've created a new STD.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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