Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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