I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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