Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
