she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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