What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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