i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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