dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
