I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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