So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
