drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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