I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
