He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
