I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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