oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize