Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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