Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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