I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
