after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
