I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
