Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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