I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
