good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
