Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
