I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
