I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
is it fun? or sober?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
