I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
