I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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