haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
