hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
