what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
