I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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