He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
soo... how was my night?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
