Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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