The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
