I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
