Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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