Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
there is glitter all over my balls
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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