You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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