you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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