Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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