What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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