I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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