i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
