Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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