I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i drank out of a bidet.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
