And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
