Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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