capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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