1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
